Is There Anything I Can Do?
by theoofoof
Summary: Just when and how did Ruth find out that her step-brother had committed suicide? H/R. Inspired by a re-watch of 4x10. Now complete.
1. It's Just a Shock

**Title: **Is There Anything I Can Do?  
**Fandom: **Spooks  
**Characters/Pairings: **Harry/Ruth  
**Rating: **15/T **  
Warnings:** None

**Summary:** Just when and how did Ruth find out that her step-brother had committed suicide?

Disclaimer: I don't own Spooks or any of the characters you may recognise. They all belong to Kudos/BBC.

**A/N:** Inspired by a re-watch of 4x10 and by reading Chapter 13 of 'Missing Scenes' by _**HR Always Live On. **_I wondered how Ruth had found out about what had happened and wanted to explore what could possibly have been in her personnel file to make Harry think she could talk Angela out of that room. What was the lie she told based on?

* * *

**Chapter 1**

_Wednesday 30__th__ April 2005, 10.48pm_

It was nearing eleven o'clock and Harry was in his office working late. He was reviewing the field reports on their last operation when there was a knock on his door.

"Come in!" he called and was surprised to see Ruth enter; she never knocked. The fact that she had raised his suspicions that something was wrong and one look at her confirmed them. Her face was extremely pale and she looked as if she'd been crying. He was on his feet and at her side instantly. "Ruth?"

"Harry I need to go home. My…" she trailed off as her emotions overcame her.

"What is it? What's happened?"

Ruth composed herself and swallowed harshly. "My step-brother, Peter. He's…he's dead."

Harry guided her to the sofa in the corner of his office.

"Sit down, Ruth."

"No. I'm fine," she protested but sat down anyway. "We weren't that close. It's just a shock."

Harry doubted that, but didn't think now was the time to argue. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Can you manage without me tomorrow?"

"Of course. Can I…can I ask what happened?"

"He shot himself," Ruth stated, her voice catching as she spoke. "He had a problem…with alcohol."

"I'm sorry. You must take some proper time off."

"Just tomorrow will be enough. Like I said, I'm fine."

"I know, but you should be with your family."

"Harry..."

"I mean it Ruth. I don't want to see you on the Grid until Monday at the earliest. If I do, I'll send you back to GCHQ."

"You wouldn't," she countered. "I'm too valuable to you…to the team."

"Do you really want to test that?" he asked, covering his emotions. His heart had stopped at the thought that she knew how he was beginning to feel about her on a personal level and he was relieved when she added those three words.

"Okay," she relented. I'll take a couple of days, but I'll be back on Monday."

"Thank you," he said, standing up and retrieving his coat. "Come on, I'll drive you home."

"That's really not necessary Harry."

Harry looked at his watch. "Well it's that or wait another 40 minutes for a bus."

Ruth looked at her own watch to confirm. He was right of course, the last bus to her house was the last one, and that wasn't due until 11.30. She fleetingly wondered why he knew the bus timetable to her house, but her thoughts were interrupted by his hand on the small of her back, guiding her out of his office.

She picked up her bag and coat, shut down her computer and followed Harry into one of the pods.

* * *

_11.25pm_

Harry pulled up outside Ruth's house and she turned and gave him a tired smile. "Thank you Harry. Really. You've got me home quicker than the bus or a taxi would have. At this rate, I'll be in Cheltenham before two."

"You're driving there tonight?"

"Yes. My mother; she's devastated, as of course is my stepfather. I need to get there as soon as possible."

"It's nearly half eleven and that's at least a two hour drive."

"I'm well aware of how far it is," she snapped. "I've done the journey often enough." Harry winced at her tone and she instantly regretted it. "I'm sorry Harry; you didn't deserve that. I'm just…emotional."

"Another reason why you shouldn't drive. Hells bells Ruth, you've been working longer days than me this week, you must be shattered."

"We had a terrorist cell to crack."

"I know but…"

"But what? I have to get home and I can't afford to wait until the morning. I'll have a quick cup of coffee and I'll be fine. Don't worry." She got out of the car, turning back to him before shutting the door. "Thanks for the lift Harry. I'll see you Monday."

* * *

Ruth threw some clothes and her wash bag into a small suitcase, whilst waiting for the kettle to boil. Once it had she poured herself a cup and as she carried her mug into the living room, her eyes fell on the photo on her mantelpiece. It was a family photo taken at Christmas 10 years ago, before Peter's alcoholism had become debilitating and he was fired from Royal Protection. Her, her mother, David and Peter, all squashed onto the sofa, smiling and laughing. They weren't even posing for the camera. Ruth didn't remember who took the picture; possibly one of her aunts but she remembered the moment. Her uncle had told some God-awful joke and she and Peter, having a similar sense of humour had erupted in a fit of giggles which quickly became contagious. It wasn't long before the four of them were laughing uncontrollably, which must have been when the photo had been taken.

She'd lied when she told Harry they hadn't been close. Well, not lied exactly; merely glossed over the truth. The truth being that they had been close; her mother had met David when she was 14 and despite being away at boarding school, she and Peter had gotten on well. There was only two years between them so they had face the onslaught of acne and teenage angst together. In fact, as a teenager she'd had a massive crush on Peter, she'd been hopelessly besotted with him. She often thought it should have been her and Peter who had met, rather than her mother and his father. All her friends were embarking on relationships, but Ruth was too bookish, boys very rarely paid her any attention. With Peter it was different; he talked to her, valued her, cared about her. When their parent's marriage was on the rocks and the rows were getting too much; she'd jumped at the chance to get away with him to Blackpool for a mad week. They'd drank a lot; Ruth could barely recall most of it, but she did remember, with startling clarity, making a drunken pass at Peter. He'd let her down gently, explaining that he saw her as a sister; nothing more. She'd been absolutely mortified, but he'd been brilliant about it; he never mentioned it again, never teased her or held it against her.

Her mother and stepfather were oblivious to all this; in the rows that had followed their return her actions in Blackpool had not been mentioned and paradoxically, their little jaunt up north reunited her mother and his father. She'd moved out the quite soon after their return; getting a student flat for the remainder of her time at Oxford. After that, their relationship was never the same; his rejection had hurt her, and things changed. They didn't keep in contact and only tended to see each other at family meals and holidays. Eventually her feelings went away. She still cared for him as a brother though and was upset at his death, despite what she might tell Harry, but her emotions were dulled slightly by his rejection.

If anything she felt guilt more than anything; she knew he had a problem and wondered if she could have done more; if any of them could. This however, was not the time to ponder such things; she needed to be strong for her mother, David and Peter's girlfriend; Angela. She wasn't particularly fond of Angela; Peter had met her not long after the weekend in Blackpool, and when Ruth had been told about her, she was still hurting and found herself jealous of Angela. That feeling was only compounded when she'd met her; blonde and beautiful with an exciting job in MI-5, Ruth felt inadequate next to her. She'd always been civil to her though, not wanting to give away her secret and regardless of what Ruth thought of her, she had just lost her lover and would need support.

She finished the last of her coffee and rinsing the mug, left it in the sink. She left the house and was surprised to see Harry's car still outside. As she dragged her suitcase down the path, Harry wound down the passenger window and leant over to speak to her.

"What are you still doing here?" she asked.

"Let me drive you."

"Drive me? To Cheltenham?"

"Yes. I've had more sleep than you and function better when I'm tired," he reasoned.

"It's very kind of you to offer but it would mean you having to drive back again. It's a four hour round trip; it's ridiculous!"

"I'll get a hotel in Cheltenham."

"At two in the morning?"

"I've been a Spook for nearly 30 years; I'm nothing if not resourceful. Come on. A long lonely drive when you're feeling tired and emotional; it's not good Ruth. Chances are you'll end up in an accident too; and that's hardly what your family need now, is it?"

Ruth considered his words. "That's low Harry," she replied, opening the rear door to put her case in, "but I suppose you do have a point." That said, she got into the car and it sped off towards Cheltenham.

* * *

**A/N:** I think there's probably another chapter in this, if you guys are interested. I'm going to try and keep it canon – but that doesn't mean there won't be some interesting moments/introspection to come.


	2. Come in With Me?

**A/N:** Thanks for the incredible feedback on the first chapter. It really does inspire me to write more.

* * *

**Chapter 2**

It was a quiet drive; Ruth had fallen asleep not long after they had joined the M40, which had reassured Harry that he had done the right thing by coercing her into accepting his offer of a lift. He'd been living off just a couple of hours sleep for years; he was used to it. Ruth, on the other hand, wasn't and a couple of shortened nights very quickly caught up with her.

Ruth nodding off gave Harry the opportunity to ponder their relationship. He'd only known her for 18 months, yet she was one of the most trusted staff on his team. He told her things that he wouldn't dream of sharing with anyone else. He thought he could sense something brewing between them; something of a romantic nature, but he couldn't be sure. It was probably just his imagination; the ridiculous longings of an aging man. He had absolutely no inkling of how she felt about him; although he did notice her blush when she found the birthday present from him hidden in her desk yesterday. It wasn't much; a book about cats and a CD inspired by her favourite film, The Red Shoes. It had taken a lot of subtle questioning of Sam to glean that little nugget of information; he hadn't wanted to ask her outright raise suspicion, but in the end he had found out and had known instantly what to buy. She seemed to like it but that didn't necessarily mean anything.

What would she even see in him? He was far too old and battle-scarred, with too much baggage. He should just stop living in this fantasy world. Except he couldn't. Her eyes captivated him, her intelligence impressed him and he felt this overwhelming need to protect her. Like when she had knocked on his door tonight; he had just wanted to scoop her up in his arms and comfort her, before confronting whoever it was that had made her feel like that. Of course that wasn't possible; the person who had caused he distress was already dead. A suicide. Part of Harry couldn't help but think how selfish Peter had been; to take the easy way out and in doing so, cause the people around him so much pain. He wondered what had pushed him to the edge; what had been so bad that he could see no other way out.

Ruth had said they hadn't been close but Harry's spook senses were telling him that there was something not quite right about that statement; he just couldn't put his finger on what it was. She had obviously been crying; her cheeks had been tear-stained when she'd entered his office, so she must have felt some connection with him.

It probably hadn't helped that this news had come less than a month after Zoe's exile. They all still missed her terribly; Danny and Ruth most of all. She and Ruth had formed a close bond and he knew how much it hurt that Zoe had been forced to leave. It was preferable to her spending 10 years of her life in prison and Ruth knew that, but it didn't ease the pain.

As he pulled off the A40 onto the A435, Harry realised he didn't know where Ruth's mother and stepfather lived and would have to wake her to find out. Pulling into a layby he slowed the car to a stop and turned to look at Ruth. She looked so peaceful; he was hesitant to wake her and drag her back into this awful nightmare. He briefly considered not doing and searching her handbag for her mother and stepfather's address but thought better of it. Ruth wouldn't appreciate the invasion of privacy and besides, she'd probably want to compose herself and wake up fully before arriving.

Gently, Harry reached across and shook Ruth 's shoulder. She stirred slightly, but not enough to wake. "Ruth," he called softly. "Ruth you need to wake up."

Slowly, she came to and for a moment was confused about where she was. "Harry?" Then everything came flooding back to her in seconds and nausea threatened to overcome her. Needing some fresh air, she hurried out of the car and leant back against it, taking deep steadying breaths. Harry switched off the engine and followed her out.

"You okay?"

"I will be. I'd momentarily forgotten what had happened and when it all came flooding back I was a little overwhelmed, that's all. I'm fine now." She looked around. "Why have we stopped?"

"I may be a Spook, but I'm not psychic. I don't know exactly where we're going."

"Oh gosh! Sorry."

Harry chuckled. "It's quite alright Ruth."

"We're going to New Road. Number 18. I'll direct you."

"Okay. You ready to go now?"

Ruth took a deep breath. "Yeh. Let's go.

* * *

_1__st__ May 2005, 01.57am_

Harry pulled into the gravel driveway of Ruth's mother and stepfather's house. "Well, here we are."

"Thanks for the lift Harry. I really appreciate it."

He waved off her thanks. "It's nothing. Go on. I'll wait here until you get inside."

"You don't have to."

"I know, but I'll feel better knowing you've gotten inside safely."

"Come in with me," she offered suddenly.

Harry thought he had misheard. "I'm sorry?"

"You'll never find anywhere to stay at this time," she explained. "There'll be a spare room here."

"I'd be imposing."

"You'll be asleep," she countered.

"I…" Harry trailed off realising Ruth's argument made sense. "Okay," he eventually agreed, "if it's okay with your mother and stepfather."

"They won't mind."

Ruth got out of the car and approached the house whilst Harry retrieved her bag and followed closely behind. They had just reached the door when it opened to revel Ruth's mother.

"I thought I heard a car," she said, before breaking down; seeing her daughter had caused a fresh wave of emotions.

"Oh Mum!" cried Ruth, embracing her. When they pulled apart a few moments later, the older woman seemed surprised to see Harry; she hadn't noticed him before. She looked at Ruth questioningly, who began the introductions. "Mum this is my boss, Harry. Harry, this is my Mum, Elizabeth. I wasn't really in any fit state to drive, so Harry gave me a lift," she explains to her mother. "I offered him a bed for the night in return. I hope that's okay."

"Of course dear." She extended a hand to Harry. "It's nice to finally meet you. Ruth has spoken very highly of you."

Harry noted Ruth blush at this and filed that new discovery away, as he shook her mother's hand. "I'm sorry for you loss. I appreciate this is a difficult time for your family; you won't know I'm here and I'll be out of your hair as early as possible."

"Thank you. Now, come on in out of the cold."

Ruth and Harry followed Elizabeth inside. Ruth greeted her step-father with a hug before noticing the absence of Peter's girlfriend.

"Has Angela gone to bed?" Ruth asked, curiously.

"She's not here," David told her. "We offered to have her stay, but she insisted on being at home."

"Is that wise?" Ruth queried. She may not have been particularly fond of the woman but it didn't stop her from being concerned for her welfare.

"She said she wanted to be alone. We didn't want to pressure her," explained Elizabeth.

"Right. Well, I'll just show Harry to his room then I'll be back down."

Ruth led Harry up the stairs which was lined with family photos, allowing Harry a rare glimpse into Ruth's personal life and childhood as they climbed.

"Here you go," Ruth told him leading him into one of the spare rooms. "The bathroom is directly opposite and I'll be next door." It was only once the words were out of her mouth that Ruth realised how they sounded; like an invitation. She blushed profusely and backtracked quickly. "Y'know, if you need me…at all…which I'm sure you won't but you never know."

Harry, although initially shocked by her words, realised quite quickly that she hadn't meant them to sound like they had. He put his hand on her shoulder to calm her. "It's quite alright Ruth; I know what you meant."

Their eyes locked for a few seconds and the whole world fell away; it was just the two of them. Ruth was sure he was going to try and kiss her; his eyes dipped to her mouth and she instinctively licked her lips. It was not to be however, as the sound of someone passing the door brought them back to reality.

"I should uh…" Ruth gestured to the door, indicating she should be with her family.

"Of course. Goodnight Ruth."

"Goodnight Harry, and thanks again."

* * *

**A/N:** Please do let me know what you think. I'm thinking one more final chapter to tie a few things up..


	3. Don't Hesitate to Call

**A/N: **Well here it is, the final chapter. Thanks for all your comments – they really mean a lot. I had always intended this story to stay in canon, so I hope you're not disappointed that there are no big declarations of undying love etc.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

_Still __1st May 2005, _6.30am

Harry woke early, dressed and knocked gently on the door to Ruth's room. When there was no answer he opened the door a crack, assuming her to be asleep, but her was bed empty. Padding gently down the stairs he found her, curled up on an armchair in the living room cradling a cup of tea.

"Couldn't sleep?" he asked gently, careful not to startle her.

"No. I managed a couple of hours but even that was fitful." She paused, staring out of the window, before indicating to the cup in her hands. "There's fresh tea in the pot in the kitchen; help yourself."

"Thanks." Harry made his tea and then returned to the living room. Ruth was still on the chair, looking through a photo album. He didn't need to see it to know it was old family photos. He sat down on the sofa. "You were close, weren't you?" he guessed, wondering why she'd lied to him last night in his office.

Ruth sighed. "When we were younger, yes. As we got older we drifted apart. It doesn't mean I shouldn't be upset though."

"No, it doesn't," he agreed.

"There's so many memories here. I really didn't think it would hit me this hard. I can't help but feel guilty too; if I'd done more. I knew how much he was struggling. With the drinking, he was becoming a liability at work and you and I know there's no room for that in Royal Protection. You have to be on the ball all the time. After he was fired, his drinking became worse. If only I'd…"

Harry reached across and took her hand. "You can't blame yourself, Ruth. There's nothing to say he would have accepted your help anyway."

"But I should have tried," she whispered before changing the subject. She didn't want to continue talking about this, worried that she'd let something slip about the reasons they had drifted apart. She didn't want to discuss that with anyone, but especially not with Harry. "You're up early; I hope that's not because you feel like you're imposing."

"It's not," he assured, removing his hand from hers. "I have a meeting in Whitehall at nine. I'll need to leave in a few minutes."

"Of course," she accepted, trying to ignore the feelings that his imminent departure was creating. Whilst she was relieved that their moment in the early hours seemed to have been forgotten, there was also a part of her that wondered what it would have been like to feel his lips on hers. She chided herself for being stupid, it was just the emotion and the lateness of the hours. Harry wouldn't look at her twice; she'd heard the stories; he tended to go for glamorous women, not bookish, plain ones like herself. She knew the feelings she had for Harry were going beyond the realms of a subordinate and her boss, or even friends, but she knew she wouldn't act on them for fear of being rejected or humiliated. He was her boss for crying out loud! He'd probably think she'd lost her reason or was wanting a promotion. No, it was best for both of them if she kept her feelings to herself; buried them.

They finished their tea in comfortable silence and when he couldn't delay any more, he reluctantly announced he really had to go.

Ruth walked him to the door. "Take care, Ruth, and don't rush back to work. We'll manage…I'm not quite sure how, but we will. Your family must take priority."

"I'll let you know when I'll be back. I should have a better idea of what the arrangements will be later today."

Harry nodded. "Don't hesitate to call…if there's anything I can do."

"Thanks Harry. Goodbye."

"Goodbye Ruth," he whispered, bending down to place a chaste kiss on her cheek. She fought the urge to blush and look away. She kept her eyes on him as he drove off, watching him turn out of the gate. She spotted another car, waiting to turn in from the opposite direction and realised it was Angela.

She parked up, got out and make her way towards Ruth. "Hello Ruth."

"Angela, I am so sorry," she tells her sincerely but they did not embrace.

The blonde woman smiled sadly. "Thank you. That man, the one who just left, was that...?"

Ruth cringed inwardly as she realised where the conversation was going. But she decided to bite the bullet. "It was Harry Pearce, yes."

"How do you know him?"

"He's my boss."

"You work for MI-5?" Angela asked incredulously. She couldn't believe it; shy, bookish Ruth Evershed was a spy?

"Yes, Section D. I'm their senior analyst. But keep it to yourself. Mum and David think I work for the Department of Trade and Industry."

"Well, well. It seems you and I have more in common that we first thought." Ruth winced internally at that. They did, in more ways than one; they'd both loved the same man, not that Angela knew that.

Once Angela had gotten over the shock of finding out about Ruth's employment, the two women spent the next hour before her mother and stepfather were awake, talking about the various aspects of working for MI-5. Neither women knew at that point, that their conversation was the beginning of something that would culminate exactly a year from today, with devastating consequences.

* * *

_7__th__ May 2005 8.30am_

Harry entered through the pods to see Ruth sat at her desk, talking with a couple of junior officers. He was surprised to see her in work; her stepbrother's funeral had only taken place yesterday morning. "Ruth, a word please," he called over the Grid

Excusing herself from her conversation, she followed him into his office, sliding the door shut behind her.

"Welcome back," he greeted with a small smile. "Although I thought we'd agreed you were going to take a few more days off."

"We did, but I'm fine honestly. There was no reason for me to stay after the funeral, plus there are just too many memories in that house. I'd rather be here, working; it keeps my mind occupied."

"Well, if you're sure." He wasn't convinced. She looked like she'd barely slept at all for the last couple of days, and she didn't have her usual colour in her cheeks.

"I am Harry."

"Good."

"Is that all?"

"Yes. Thank you Ruth." She took her leave and her hand was on the door handle when Harry spoke again. "It's good to have you back."

She merely smiled at him, slid open the door and went back to her desk. He watched her for a few minutes, wanting to be sure she really was okay and fit to be back at work, before Adam came bursting in.

"This has just been faxed in," he said, handing Harry a piece of paper. "Looks like these paracetamol deaths are an act of domestic terrorism."

Harry sighed and looked at his watch before picking up the phone. "I need to speak to the Home Secretary. I want Ruth, Danny, Sam and Malcolm in the meeting room in twenty minutes." Adam nodded and left Harry in his office, staring down at the fax in his hand, whilst waiting to be connected to the Home Secretary on a secure line. He suddenly had a feeling this was going to be one of those days and he was more than glad Ruth had decided to come back to work today; they were going to need her on this.

* * *

**A/N:** Please leave one final review?


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